Oh, I've been here before.

OH HI! You all know me, Searching for inspiration are we? procrastinating? Killing time? Killing self? maybe, but maybe not! I just thought that if I joined a blog and told people how I REALLY feel I might be able to "sort it all out". You know, the shit that eats away at you daily but you just bury it and hope that one day you'll achieve that impossible goal, and PRESTO, you're totally cool. Yeah well that hasn't happened yet, at least not for me. So here I am, waiting for encouraging comments ablaze. This blog is basically going to be about my 10 year battle of the bulge. My obsessive thoughts about food and my bod and how all the people around me seem to be fighting the exact same losing battle or simply fueling my ever growing fire. I am a successful confident woman, right? Why should it make me completely uncomfortable when I see a girl walk by who is half my size? BECAUSE I WAS CONDITIONED THIS WAY! It took years of vanity obsession, teasing, boot camps, dieting, running, losing, gaining, measuring, weighing, rejoicing, guilting, familial "pressure", familial "blockage", and competition with models, LITERAL MODELS, to get here! I am thoroughly aggravated. I am thoroughly INSANE! And I am ready to talk. LET'S DO IT.